From the "Now Hiring" Department ::

Alberta's Population Increases By More Than 25,000 In Final Quarter of 2005

OK..., here's the deal. There is a ton of work available in Alberta but there isn't much for accommodations. Now that's not really a problem in the summer cause you can always camp out. This winter was not that bad for the camping workforce but who's to say this global warming thing won't just blow over and we rapidly descend into a 100,000 year ice age. In that case you're going to wish you have a decent place to stay with enough heat to keep the water pipes from freezing.

Eh..., it could happen! Who knows when some meteorite might come screaming in from left field and center-punch a hole into the molten depths of our planet creating a mega-volcano spewing ash and flaming bolders skyward and blocking our Sun's rays for eons. It could happen before midnight or it could be a buzzillion or two years before it does. Who knows?

One thing's for certain though, it WILL happen and may be witnessed by the electro-mechanical offspring of your immediate descendents. If there's one thing the Boy Scouts teach you it's, "Be prepared!" That's why it's a good idea to pick up your rocket science patch or at least know what your escape velocity is and what's required to achieve it.

Just so you don't have to go hunting all over the place it's pretty much accepted that escape velocity is the minimum velocity you need to achieve in order to escape the gravitational pull of the earth, that is, escape the planet earth without getting sucked back.

So:

1/2 mv2 = GMm/R

Where "m" is the mass of the object, "M" is the mass of the earth, "G" is the gravitational constant, "R" is the radius of the earth, and "v" is the escape velocity. Which translates to:

v = sqrt(2GM/R)

or

v = sqrt(2gR)

Where "g" is acceleration of gravity on the earth's surface.

OK..., what this amounts to is finding something that can blast you off the surface of the earth at about 25,000 mph. Personally, I would go with a hybrid solid fuel rocket using liquid oxygen for extra oomph and nitrous oxide for the driver.

If you accelerate enough, like up there near light-speed you end up in some kind of Einsteinish Suspended Animation negating the need for food or other earthly necessities - or at least until you throttle back. I'm guessing that just slowing your ship down to where you can maneuver it into a parking spot could take an hour or two.

If you're hoping to get somewhere before time gets you though, you're going to want to find something that'll propel you at considerably more velocity than 25,000 mph. Bear in mind that with the speeds we're talking about you're going to want to know exactly where you're going because a vector change is going to eat up a lot of inter-galactic real estate before the turn is realized.

Sorry about that, really got off on a tangent there.

Check back regularly, no telling what little nugget of gnarled knowledge or whimsical wisdom you're going to unearth here but it could be an 'Interstellar Nugget' - hitting even a tiny one of these at 25,000 mph can really ruin your day.

Note:: These headlines rotated, updated & barbecued throughout the day. Enjoy!

Hasta La L8r Señor Rocket Scientist Wannabe